Friday, June 7, 2013

A - Class Failure

HI. it's only the 4th day of exam and I'm already feeling so done with pretty much everything. pulang ujian jam 12, tidur sampe jam 3, belajar sampe jam 10 malem, bangun jam 3 shubuh belajar lagi. painful isn't it? but do ya know what hurts more than that? nilai sebagian besar 3 hari pertama ulangan lo adalah 7. here :

bingg 82
bindo 77
sejarah 71
mathe 70
bio 70

tuh gue bold, representing my biggest regret. gue belajar bio sabtu-minggu sebelum ujian jam 3 - 5 shubuh sama temen gue yang intern and he's very good at it. it's about neurology btw. gue diajarin cara mikir yang dia bilang "biological logic". sorry to disappoint you, sir but I fail. again.


my house is still in this euphoria of my sister's big-hit achievement. nemnya dia 36,65. dan itu murni hasil meres keringet dia sendiri. my dad and mom was all like "congrats, kiddo!" well nem gue jg murni tp cm 36,15. but you didn't congratulate me back then. fine, no prob I'm used to that. in my sister's era yang pake narocob nilainya max 35. and my era? it wasn't that fair, madafakah. I had to be "thrown away" dari sekolah impian gue. and now my sist seems to have the chance buat masuk sana. jealous? of course. but I want the best for her and I don't want her to go through the same sorrowful junior year the way I did. so congrats, soon-to-be grave2016! I am truly happy for you:)


and then there's me, sitting in front of the pc, blogging instead of studying.


sudah terlalu males sepertinya.


mau belajar kaya apa, the result won't be good enough to please every single one of you.


you know. few weeks ago dad said
"kadang kita harus realistis, harus tau kemampuan kita kaya apa daripada nanti patah arang"


to me it sounded more like 
"I'm giving up on you."


but I didn't say anything. Idk. udah banyak orang yang bilang kaya gt ke gue. apakah itu sebuah pertanda kalo emang gue gadeserve to be in medschool? apa kalian udah segive up gt sama gue? or do I look that much of a moron to you?


I look around, and all of my best friends say :
"ah gue mau masuk blablabla tp kemampuan gue gasegitu jd skrg gue mau masuk blablabla aja, pasti gaakan kesampean kalo yang itu"


and I'm like
"what is wrong with me...? have I ever once been a realistic person the way they do?"


you are so delusional Mir.


my aunt few months ago offered me some back-up plans if FK won't work out. kaya kerja kantoran gt. I said
"NAH. gamau. gabakal mau."


sorry aunt, I love you but you just have to believe in me sometimes.


with that kind of determination, seems like nobody has the heart to say that I shouldn't go to medschool. I know you people wanna say that directly to me, but maybe you'll think it will tear me apart big time. I am glad you didn't do that because it actually will. I know I am stubborn, but kalo bukan stubborn bukan Amira namanya;)



and to my dad, yeah dad you said it yourself that I was born with this linguistic talent. I may not be as smart as you in logic stuff. but has my talent made you proud? even when I can speak English fluently without trying so hard to? even when I got 597 in my TOEFL which beats out everyone's TOEFL at our house? nah, my so-called talent has never done you good. I will never be that good in science. we all know that, but that doesn't mean I wanna let go of something which I've been holding on to -going to a medschool. I may not be the smartest kid you've ever known but maybe, or hopefully I will cure cancer. that's whole lot better than being the smartest kid around. all you need to do is to be supportive. believe in me that I can.


you said I better be realistic , but sorry I am more to an optimist than a realist. I'd rather get my heart broken in the end than my dream dead.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Gabut

Just come out to say hi.

Giladeh ini blog gakerawat. Maap yak. Sibuk sekolah wkwkwk gayalu. Banyak pikiran juga lately.


Jadi skrg lagi libur UN. Di rumah gabut gangapa2in. Cuma makan tidur dan menggembrot saja. Tadi iseng ngesearch nama gue sendiri....dan keluar berbagai macam old tweets, old blog posts dan some embarassing stuff yang gue sendiri bingung knp gue dulu kecil kaya gt-_-


Most of them adalah memories in junior high. Though sedikit geli bacanya, but if I could I would go back to be there even if it's only for 1 day. Serius. Kangen. It's the time when di sekolahan ada yang bisa gue percaya sepenuhnya. Ada Nadya, Dhifa, Dina, Dhilah, Kelv, Bebe, Linda, Yonah dsb. Well, I do miss you all. Gabohong. Dan tentu saja, sahabatku yang nun jauh disana -walaupun ga sesmp, Lela hehehehehe 11 taun ya Lel we manage to keep this friendship going tho lo ada di Sukabumi:')


School has been tough. Dan memang daridulu begitu sepertinya. I recently had my first, ehem......heartbreak.Yes people, heartbreak. The worst one I think setelah apa yang terjadi di penghujung 2011. Some of my closest friends in high school  know about it. I don't usually trust new people but the universe made me do that. Everytime I see that 'guy' with another girl, they say 'don't be sad, my friend' HAHAHAH seriously I won't cry over boys. I won't.


Other stuff that constantly makes me go nuts is that snmptn undangan thing. Rivalry here is just crazy. Some people seem nice, but they stab you in the back. Some people act so helpful, but they drown you instead.  Some people think about nothing but themselves. So, I guess it's hard to rely on others for this stuff. Isn't respecting other people is a part of a rivalry, fellas?


As you may know, gue mau masuk FKUNAIR. No one can replace that one particular thing. my plan B is FKGUNAIR. okay I know it's risky to put both medical faculties on the plan but I don't want anything else. I just wanna go back.  Hopefully there will only be approximately 13 months for me to live here. I'll have my new life after that. So, now I'm living my life now in Jakarta to the fullest. Trying to cherish everything. A silly heartbreak won't stand a chance making me sad. I'm surely gonna miss you all. Couldn't ask for any better bestfriends and sister. It's not a goodbye yet. No, it will never be a goodbye. Rasanya skrg mau peluk kalian satu satu. Dulu mah gampang ya tiap hari ketemu, ketawa bareng, peluk mah peluk aja. Sekarang mana bisa sih..... Gue sibuk. Kalian juga. Sampe gabisa jalan or at least ketemu bentar:(


Ohya, I notice that I've been turning down some invitations to go out and play these past months. Idk man. I am still traumatic about last year. But there were times when I was just lazy and again, overwhelmed by school stuff. So sorry. In case you're wondering what happened last year, well if you really are my friend, you won't need to ask me what was that.



Gatau mau bilang apa lagi. Those were just random thoughts that rush into my mind. See you around, fellas!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

17!

HI KIDSSSS. I finally turned 17 hehehe. the exact age most people consider I reach adulthood. but I'm not feeling that way.I am still a kid pursuing my dreams. but 17 does mean a thing to me. 

back in 2011. I used to think I'd spend my 17th bday in 47, surrounded by my super bffs, but it turned upside down. I'd always miss that one. but I'm more than just grateful that day Allah gave me friends in my shs that turned out to be the first ones to wish me a happy birthday. though we are not that close...but that was more than just enough. and eventually, those people who have been watching me growing up never forgot tho. so thank you so much for the attention guys♡


one silly thing. around 7 people, including someone I used to *skip* called me that day and say 'go get a boyfriend....you are 17!' HAHAHAHA no. what's wrong with y'all, people?-_- I know I am 17 but is being 17 means that you should date someone asap? 


so as a 17-year-old, I've promised to stick into 1 dream only. to become a gastroenterologist and a professional diver in near future. I know it takes forever to be a specialist but I'd do anything just to be it. I know I don't shape up like swimmers but trust me that is by far, my best exercise. my love for biology and marine world is infinity. 


I've chosen Airlangga University Medical Faculty for my future school. I know I live in J-Town, and some people have forced me to go to Salemba. but no, sorry. but even the best education in the world doesn't guarantee the best income neither the best life. so, I'd rather go home and go big then to stay in this city for a long time but suffering inside and out. all of my families are there too. I wanna take care of my gramp and grandma....doing a little favor for what they had done back in my early years in Surabaya.


so thanks to everyone who cherished this one special occasion and to those who stay beside me for as long as I can remember totally blessed with the life and people Allah have given me up until this point❤




oh hm. btw this happened on my birthday




do you know them? if you don't ask your parents. Michael Learns To Rock is my all-time favorite band, beside the JB. and MLTR is my mom's favorite too. 


but the worst thing is that they had a concert on Dec 4 -on my  sweet 17th birthday, in Surabaya -in my birthplace. I begged my mom to the core to let me go to Surabaya and watch them and all her answer was 'you have exams for a week'. O k. it was the Jonas in SG back in Oct 22, and now this. Y DO GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO DON'T WAIT? shiz. life couldn't be any worse now. bye.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Dreams to Be Pursued : Up in the Air (part 3)

lemme ask you read this post. please take a look at the first three photos.

Challenger Space Shuttle



Discovery Space Shuttle



Airbus A380


in accordance to the first three photos above, do you get astounded by the jet - assisted winged vehicle? or am I the only one who undoubtfully do? I guess I am. it gives me goosebumps whenever I scroll down through the internet on some NASA sources trying to find its newest discovery from the outer space. everytime I see pictures like number one, I cry. I know, I'm such a hyperbole. but it's a fact.



whenever I am going on a vacay by a plane, I always remind my parents to book 2 seats which are near to both wings so me and my narcissistic ego-centric little sister will not have a fight over a simple problem. and I always sit by the wing, with my dad sits beside me. why do I insist to be seated near the wing? because watching the wing changes during a flight, is on the top of my must-do list on a flight.


on a flight, me and dad mostly talk about aeronautics issues which he knows I am madly interested in. and........he always asks how much I wannabe an aeroflyer and a part of an aviation business. if you wanna know how often I dream about being a pilot/astronaut, honestly I dream that every single day and always end up crying.  hyperbole again. becoming a pilot or hopefully an astronaut for a girl who has eyes impairment like me is same as trying to walk on a fire barefoot. impossible. you may get yourself killed -crashed and burned, we may assume. so.....his questions will always be left as questions because we both know that a girl like me will never achieve something worthy and useful like flying planes. but somehow, my dad still hopes the best for me to fly one of those things one day. eventhough without a surgery, it's impossible to get my normal and clear vision back. moreover, my pscyhomotor and logic skills are poorly bad and I always fluke and choke on such lessons even with my hardest try, how on earth could I possibly become a pilot?


I have 5 friends who have the same desire to become a flyer. 3 of them wannabe astronauts, and pilots for the rest. those who dream of becoming an astronaut consider their dream as an impossible thing to achieve - just like me -, and those who wanna be pilots will go to AFI after graduating from high school. how lucky. it  sucks to be just sitting right here where you are when people get busy chasing their dreams who are the same as yours but you can not do anything to chase yours. 


everytime people ask me what will I do for a living in the future, I always answer ''astronaut, wish me luck." and they will go like ''are you pulling my leg? you're a girl, you will have a family and bunch of kids to look after and besides, you're wearing glasses. how if you die in a plane crash? you should go on a reality check!" well, thanks a lot. you have succeeded pointing out my flaw which I already had seen and tried to burry. and by the way, I thought this world already have had male - female tolerance in profession and gender issues.


there are reasons why I change my blog title. as you may already know, defying gravity is to defy gravity a.k.a to fly. gravity forces you to stay steadily on the ground, but you fly away instead. in the other hand, it's referring to a person who dislikes being forced to follow their life path or bossed around and they often don't give a single damn to the law of life. they like to go on their own way. they're more likely me.


as well as this post's title : 'Up in the Air'. it means flying, obviously. and also it refers to an uncertain or not-yet-decided condition. suits to my post enough. 


Columbia Space Shuttle Cockpit







A380 Cockpit

it's kinda frustating. it's been a lifetime dream to seat on a Boeing or Airbus cockpit and say


"Soekarno - Hatta Ground, Skyway 102, A380 stand 110 with information KILO, 1010 millibars, request IFR clearance to Jakarta." 


or maybe if the ATC says


"Garuda Airlines nine ninety five,  you're cleared to land. let's do it taxi into position and hold, be ready."



I'll be answering



"affirmative. nine ninety five's ready. waiting for your permission to land."



or maybe we'll have a convo like



"Surabaya Control, Lion Air, A380, climbing altitude 5000ft, passing 3200ft, WOBUN 3F departure."




cool isn't it?


but what I've always wanted to say in the future is......


"Houston, do you copy? this is Apollo 20. 27th day, 7 hours, 10 minutes of mission. this is Commander Amira speaking.'"


ha. inhale. exhale.



like seriously, when will Indonesian astronaut be a able to say those words from a space ship?



we had 2 Indonesian former astronauts. they are Mrs. Pratiwi Sudharmono and Mr. Taufik Akbar. they had undergone astronaut training in NASA for months before unfortunately, the Challenger that had been scheduled to bring them up there exploded and the mission itself was canceled. ever since then, we don't have any astronaut. 


hopefully someday Indonesian young generation can continue their legacy. maybe with Indonesia's own mission and own spaceshuttle. and if it's me who's given the opportunity, I am up to the challenge:) 


Someday...........

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Dreams to Be Pursued : Tongue Untied (part 2)

2. PRESENTER/HOST
I bet you didn't see this one coming............. I wanna be a presenter because this profession seems fun and it doesn't require so much. once you read the news or host a show you get like a bunch of money. HUU MONEY$_$ more over, I was born a language genius. I can tell if a person comes from Dagenham or London, by listening to their accent and language structure. also I can tell if a person is a Puerto-Rican or Spanish. and  once I competed on a debating contest in ILP . when I tried to express my opinion to the pro team, I accidentally spoke in English-Spanish accent and minutes later I spoke in Australian accent-_-  I know it's of weird. I was gifted. btw my tongue is as short as life. it only reaches my outter lip when it is protured. therefore, I can fake accent easily;-)


most of language geniuses were born with musical ability. me? I don't think I was. I'm really bad in singing. I play guitar and other instruments but that doesn't mean I have something in music. I was a ballerist, a painter as well back in kindergarten but those have never been my stuff. so, basically I'm not a musician, neither an artist. entertainment world will never be mine.


and right now. I study Deutsch at school. and English, not to mention. but freakly my parents forbid me for coming back to ILP due to the fact that my TOEFL is around 600. damn, I miss ILP. and just you know getting 600 in TOEFL is not something to be proud of. I know it's a big number of TOEFL considering the fact that if you wanna live abroad you only need 550. but it's not enougggggh. I demand satisfaction!



beside English and Deutsch, I study Spanish too. at home. by myself. me gusta espanol, es muy caliente Espanol y Ingles. that's the best I've got so far hahahahahahaha. I'm learning dude, still learning. jus fyi, my all - time favorite song is La Isla Bonita by Madonna. first time ever I heard this song is when I was 4. and thankfully, Glee has made Naya Rivera sang the song. all hail, Captain Rivera!




maybe some of you wonder why I pick Spanish not French, it's because Spanish is more widely spoken that French. no offense, Franรงais! I still adore your sexy accent hahahahaha it's true.



eventhough I'm good in language, I'm logicly stupid in math and science stuff. we all know that. I should had gone to LangClass instead of SciClass. I know I just don't want to. I want to work my ass off and try my luck in medical school, but if I fail, I'll go to English Literature Faculty. hopefully not.



okey then. see you in the next post....which I've considered to write my biggest dream job ever in. adios!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Dreams To Be Pursued : Safe Choice (part 1)

HI THERE. it's been a long time. I had been very busy but I finally now got a spare time after this hectic and frustrating day of school.


now I'm in grade 10 and people keep telling me to think about what will I do/wanna be in the future. I have several ideas of profession -- some of them are more likely passions. I sort it from the least favorite to the most and I'm gonna publish 1 per post.....according to my passion though. okey then here we go.


1. DOCTOR
yup. a too - mainstream kid's dream job. I bet every each of you ever wished to become a doctor right? well yeah at least once when you were younger. so did I and I always do. the best thing about becoming doctor is you'll get paid with a big number of money and this job can be your profession till you are 60. I mean it's like a lifetime job. but the worst thing you'll be in medical school for 4 years or around 6 years if you wanna get a PhD degree. commonly referred to S3 in Indonesia.


I wanna be a Pulmonologist or a Pediatrician or an Internist or a Dermatologist or a Dentist. can not decide though. but here are the reasons :

a) I am totally concerned about Indonesians' smoking habit. it's a bad habit, people. despite the fact that it is relaxing (smokers said so), it actually kills you. slowly and painfully. there are 400 toxics in single bar of cigarette. and also it burns your money. DAH. I'm not gonna give you a lecture because now I am not a doctor and no one wants to hear me. but mark my words, niggas.
b) people often sick and they are in need of a specialist;)
c) curing a patient is a blessing and it would be a great praise if I could make someone happy by curing their illness with the hardwork I had done in college.
d) both my parents are fully supportive to me for this profession. I have 1 little sister and 3 cousins in Surabaya. my grandma from mom once told us that my oldest cousin will be the CEO - he will build the company, in this case it's a hospital, his younger brother and the rest of us excluding me will be doctors. and me......I, she said, will be the Internist and doubled as a Supervisor so they won't make any mistake. GOSH. it gives me chill everytime I remember this.


to make it come true I go to Science class and I will choose Faculty of Medicine Airlangga University. where is it? Surabaya. yes, people, I'm gonna get the hell outta Jakarta. I'm gonna move to where it all started. let's hope that mine and grandma's dream will come true:')

Monday, April 2, 2012

Getting worse

Hai. Cuma mau bilang aja semua orang sibuk banget ya skrg. Tp ada yang sok sibuk gt deh pdhl nggak. Huft. Ngeselin. Gue kaya udh gak diurus lagi sm siapa2. Udah gak ada yang bisa buat temen curhat lagi for now. Giliran ada yang bisa kontak terus dicurhatin dikit eh tiba tiba ngilang. Sebenernya salah siapa deh? Atau mungkin guenya udah gaasik lagi buat jadi temen ngobrol? Apa mungkin karena jarak? Dan lagi - lagi jarak menjadi salah satu faktor retaknya hubungan. Yang gue maksud pertemanan loh. Sebenernya jarak bisa dihandle kok toh gue masih di Indonesia, masih senegara dan rumah gue jg di Bintaro.


Tapi di antara orang - orang itu, cm 1 skrg yg paling sering at least lebih sering nemenin gue selama sma. That person was nobody comparing those people who've been with me through my life. Tapi skrg that person turns to someone special since s/he is always around when no one else is. Ohiya, plus Lela{}:*


Udah 2 itu aja.



Gatau deh mau gimana sm yg lain:/ Bukan perhitungan, tp ya kalo emang gue masih dianggep please perhatiin dikit aja. Di sma ini gue udah mulai bisa beradaptasi dgn rutinitas keras setiap hari tp tetep, gaada yg bisa gue anggep sahabat or at least "temen deket". Sedeket - deketnya gue sm anak sini paling sm Allysa karena emang udah kenal sejak di 76. Tapi Allysa bentar lagi lulus kan aksel:-(



When the time come, I'll be forever alone. I should had moved tho. Kemana? Ke 90 lah ha.ha.ha poor me. Emang bukan rezeki kali ya buat di 47. Weztwezt gaboleh ngomong gt. Harus bersyukur ya ga?:-) Mungkin 47 lewat, tp kurang dari 3 tahun lagi gue masuk fk unair! Amin. Udah ah makin ngablu. Gabutuh blog, butuhnya temen. Kasian bgt. Bye.