hallo 9!

HALLO.




page 9 of 366. page 9 di tanggal 9. ada apa tgl 9?





dulusih kalo tgl 9 selalu begadang sampe jam 2an baru tidur. kalo td pagi sih insom.....insom loh bukan begadang. sengaja bgt ya insomnya tanggal 9 huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu.





pas bangun pagi tuh rasanya mau nyanyi Jet Lag - Simple Plan






'you say good morning when it's midnight'






'I wake up to your sunset'





'trying to figure out the time zones is makin' me crazy'






HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. FFFFFFFUUUUUUU.





tp masa ada 1 hal lagi yang kepikiran tbtb pas td bangun :






gagal ke neunzig





kalo inget itu langsung kepikiran Nadya sm Yonah loh hehehehehehehe tp sedih bukan seneng☹




jadikan gini ceritanya. gue kan keterima tes di 90. tp kendala waktu itu nama gue harus numpang di kk orang yg domisili jakarta. kalo ngurus kk jkt butuh 6 bulan. yaudah kan pikiran gue gabisa pindah karena fix gabisa keurus. eh tbtb tgl 4 januari kmrn disuruh ke 90. kata TU nya boleh. shit man. seminggu itu gue leyeh leyeh sama sekali gangurus apa apa. dan tgl 5 harus udh lapor diri. ngurus nya ribet loh. ada surat pindah, validasi mutasi dari sudin, macem macem deh. dan gamungkin diurus dalam sehari.





nih ya kan disuruh cabut dari 70 dulu buat ngurus validasi. nah misalnya validasinya gajadi sampe besok, gue sekolah dimana? 70 udh keluar, 90 gaditerima.





misalnya bisa dlm sehari pun gue mikir. banyak yang dikorbanin kalo pindah. gue udh ipa. kmrn gue rank 2, ya walaupun gue tau nilai kimia dan mtk gue didongkrak. trus yagitudeh I have lots of doubts in my mind about what will happen in 90.




dan lo harus tau. masuk jurusan ipa itu ga gampang, dan gue gamau ngelepasin gt aja karena mau ke kedokteran nantinya.





yah dan akhirnya gapindah deh.





sedih loh. td pagi sempet nangis bentar. inget Nadya.....inget kak Fiona....inget semuanya disana. kirain hari ini gue bangun pagi bakal seneng. duduk di sekolah baru. most of all, ketemu mereka lagi. eh ternyata ngga kesampean.






I really am tremendously sorry that I had to choose my future over you all. bukan apa apa. gue sayang sama kalian kok. sayang banget banget malah. Nadya itu udh kaya kembaran, sedangkan kak Fiona udh kaya kakak sendiri. kalo mereka tinggal seatap sm gue pasti dikira kakak - adek hahahahahahaha:')





there's no one or anything in this world that will make me replace you for them.





tp maaf bgtttttt gue harus stay di 70. it has never been easy though☹





I thought I would be meeting you today. but it didn't happen. you both just have to know that I love you like my own family♡

Highs and Lows

HAI skrg tgl 23:'D alam loh alam. semua pengorbanan ga sia sia huehehehe.




tadi kan ikut nyokap ambil raport di buls. karena gue wajib dvl tapi gamau jadi kaya ada di wanted listnya zonk jadi nyari aman gue makan sendiri di kfc buls-_- karena lg galau jadi gue males makan padahal udh order pancake. nyokap yang ada di sekolah gue telfonin terus terusan sampe dia bete karena gakuat men rasanya tuh gantung kalo gatau posisi gue dimana.




tiba tiba dia telfon balik





'kamu masuk IPA, rank 2 di kelas'




gue histeris ya biasa lah hyperbole. orang orang yg di kfc langsung nengok semuaT_T




yaudah kan langsung ke sekolah A. dan ngadep wakaseknya lagi sampe dia hafal muka gue. udh 2x nih, setia kan gue?:') eh taunya





'maaf ibu kita gaada bangku. udah banyak kiriman dari atasan yang kita gabisa tolak'





fug. jleb. kaya ditusuk samurai.




mau nangis saat itu juga tapi gue tahantahan. tbtb wakaseknya bilang gini




'kalo buat test sih dia udh saya tampung tapi apakah bakal ada test atau ngga tgl 27 baru mau dibahas. ibu bs telfon kesini tgl 28. tapi saya gajanji bu. andaikan bisa buka kelas baru ya....'




gih sana buka kelas baru:')




jd skrg gue nunggu tgl 28 dulu. kalo tgl 28 udah gamungkin lagi ke A, langsung ke B. yg jls gue gamau B ya Allah. gamaubgtttt.




I'll risk everything if it is what it takes to be in A. apa aja gue korbanin deh. second chance loh:(




A sama B blm penjurusan. kepikiran kalo misalnya gue pindah kesana tbtb gue jeblos ke ips. sama aja. mending gapindah.





yaudah liat nanti aja huhuhuhuhu





btw kemarin mother's day plus anniv 17 tahunnya papake dan mamake hehehehe semoga langgeng sampe yg paling akhir mom & dad:') no more fights and no more tears. semoga aku rank 2 plus masuk ipa, adek yg rank 6 bisa jadi hadiah walaupun aku tau itu gasebanding sama yg kalian pengen dr dulu. I love you both♥

Blank

pas tadi bangun pagi tbtb sembab, kaya ada yg ilang. kaya tadi malem abis dpt nightmare tp gainget bener bener. yg bs diinget cm berantem sm seseorang that I care about so much. fakta nya sih gaberantem cm kaya gantung gt. sampe kebawa mimpi:( but let's hope this isn't the end of our journey after all that we've had.

h - 3 raportan penentuan ipa ips. plus urusan pindahan. antara A dan B lagi. paling gasuka salah pilih. apalagi ini second chance. I would be dumber than a donkey if I waste my second chance. hampir semua orang bilang A. gue sendiri lbh ke A. orangtua jg maunya A dulu baru B. tapi di B banyak faktor yang bisa diperhitungkan. sahabat gue ada di B juga. dan ada satu org lagi yg deketbgt. they're like the whole world for me. tapi galucu dong pindah bela belain temen doang. gue jg gatau apakah kita masih bisa kaya dulu smp lagi. it's just something about B that doesn't attract me.

just wait and see.

LDR

hallo. december used to be my month. tp skrg udh ngga.





have you ever felt so lonely eventhough you have friends? so lonely that you don't feel like talking to anybody else?





yagitulah rasanya ldr sm temen. ini ngebahas ldr sm tmn dan semacamnya, bukan cowo ya. I'm single dan apa salahnya single?




ldr sama tmn itu gakebayang. dulu yang dari sd sampe smp kita selalu sama sama, di sma misah. dan skrg gue mau pindah gatau harus kmn. banyak faktor yang harus dipikirin mateng - mateng. dan gacuma faktor temen aja sih. sekolah A atau B sekarang gabisa gue putusin. staying at buls is never the option.




kalo ldr tuh we'll get to the point that we feel like losing people. sebenernya mereka ada di sekitar kita. tapi ntah mager atau gamau cerita, kita jd males. atau mungkin kita udh gabisa percaya lagi?




kalo ada org lain nny gue knp pasti gue jwb 'nah I'm fine'. reason is, gamau org lain tau ngeduluin kalian. but how could they do the first move, instead of you?




sekalinya gue cerita gadidengerin. dianggurin. dikacangin. some of them only heard half of what I said. ada jg yg sambil main hp. hey I'm still alive here, people. unless I'm invisible. you heard me talking, needing you but you didn't ever bother answering. jadi sakit sendiri. selama ini udh nahan loh. bagi mereka yang masih gue percaya, you can consider yourself lucky.




katanya 'no more hiding feelings'. tp kalo udh nyoba buka diri tp gadidengerin gue bakal nutup diri lg. kalo gue nya udh nutup diri pasti mikirnya gue marah. gamarah kok. I just want you to hear, are you willing to do that even only for a second? mau lo gajawab itu gapapa. but at least hear me first. gue pgn jg kali diperhatiin. mentang - mentang sekolah gue paling jauh yakan.




'ini cm masalah jarak kok......'





bukan jarak yang bikin masalah.




ada yg blg gue yg ngejauh. kalo gue yg ngejauh sih gabakal kali gue nanya 'ada apa?', 'gmn kabar lo?'. faktanya gue selalu duluan yg nanya. I always do the first move.




and when I say 'I miss you' I really mean it.




but above all. there's someone, named 'nobody' that shows up when everybody doesn't. that nobody stands beside me, cheers me up eventhough they know it would never change anything. don't ever let me trust nobody above friends, k?




don't ever let me stay lonely at buls. and don't ever let me doing monologue with my blog all the time. I need those people who have been with me at least for 3 years. question is, is this happening the other way around too?




make yourself useful.

Paranoia

I'm not having paranoia. but just might be paranoid. I don't know how to act 'cause I lost my head(?)

gatau lagi capek aja. bolak balik ke dokter. dan gatau gue sakit apa. the only clue is : stomachache. mungkin lambung atau usus. atau mungkin hati. biggest fear sih hepA since I've ever hugged people who are suffering from hepB and hepC. yg kena hepB itu tmn. yg hepC itu om gue tp dia udh gaada. ya doain aja gue gapapa hehehehehe

menurut hasil lab kmrn gue bukan diabetic:''''''D denger itu senengbgttttt. honestly, I thought I was karena gue cocok sm gejalanya tp ternyata ngga, thanks God:^D

disekolah gue bolak balik remed uas. uas ini bingg gue 77, 5 loh disappointing isn't it? I've never had 7 for my english test. tp pas soalnya gue periksa ke guru ilp perkiraan dia gue dpt 9 loh. what a wtf moment. btw uas gue remed fisika, kimia, mtk, agama. agama aja remed:') tp kalo fisika gajadi remed karena kebaikan hati gurunya:*

kayaknya calon ips nih. hm gapapa sih sebenernya. umpamanya tuh kaya lo pgn ice cream haagen-dazs tp dptnya cm magnum. ice cream jg sih tp beda kan? gitu aja. ya paling gajadi dokter, gbs menuhin harapan orgtua yg pgn gue jadi spesialis di bidang ini:'( gue jg sadar sih kemampuan gue ips. nilai ips gue tinggi - tinggi. apalagi geografi. kalo ips aja sampe gagal, gue mau kuliah sastra inggris. cuman kalo gue dikasih kesempatan sekali lagi buat ke ipa, gabakal gue siasiain!

now I experience trouble sleeping everyday. tidur malem sih bisa tp tidur siang udh gabisa. padahal badan cape tp ttp gabisa bobo. gatau. huah. ada ada aja-_- rasanya kaya lagi mental break down kalo gabisa tidur-_-

I actually am waiting for something miraculous to happen since the last day of November but it seems like nobody ever realize hahaha yaudah gapapa. I'm fine, bytheway, thanks for asking. bye!

Living Hell

hallo! ini kesekian ribu kalinya gue post ttg sekolah tercinta:'')

oke bukan tercinta. kalo tercinta mah gue gapake tertindas.

ngga sih sebenernya mau setertindas apapun gue disana kalo ada temen macem Nadya, Dhifa, dll, kakak macem Fiona pasti gue kuat bgt. lah ini? that school definitely makes my life a living hell.

gue gangeluh karena ketertindasan itu. gue ngeluh tiap hari gbs nemuin org kaya mereka di sekolah. padahal dari sd - smp pasti ada min. 10 org yg bs gue curhatin tiap hari. tp skrg? keadaan kebalik. gue jadi ansos ya.....imagine Amira being an anti - social person!

gue complain hampir tiap hari. nyesel senyeselnyeselnya. tp gue berusaha kuat paling nggak 1 semester ini karena kata orang2 semester 1 is the toughest.

kadang gue kepikiran kabar temen dan kakak gue disana. apa kabar mereka? sekolah mereka gimana? yg jls gatertindas ky gue kan? tp kayanya mereka gapeduli samsek atas apa yg gue alamin disini

gue sebenernya gamau curhat dan ngepulish di blog atau twitter. sumpah itu kaya drama queen. tp kenyataannya sekarang twitter & blog jadi pendengar yg paling baik disaat gue jauh dari mereka & orang - orang mulai sibuk dengen rutinitasnya masing - masing. gue ganti link jg supaya orang orang gapenting gatau apa yg gue rasain. gue jg gamau lwt sms, serasa ngerepotin pulsa mereka bgt. gue pgn curhat langsung, face - to - face. pengennyasih dlm 3 bulan ini ada gt temen gue ketemu dimana sm gue sharing keadaan dia gmn skrg.......but that's not happening:'

au deh cape ngmg ini trs. capek fisik, hati sama otak. the fact my dream to be in 47 never comes true dan mau gue ngedumel sampe garuk aspal pun gaakan berubah. orang2 jg udah bosen maximal kali baca post isinya semacem ini. just wish I'm getting better day by day. bye!

ps : I still wish I cheated the national exam eventhough millions of people told me I did the right thing.

Different Perspectives

hey there! I've told you that now I'm easily pissed, right? it's just me or people's anger becomes so damn unreasonable since June? or should I say.......since I got into my shs? haha predictable. I knew it dudes.

people judge me like there's no tomorrow. I usually don't give an F about it but how it would feel like if the people that judge you every single day are your closest friends that you can call them "family?" there are 3 people that I've always trusted think that I change. what would I do?

you do know that I go to one of the famous high school in Jakarta, don't ya? but the outsiders only think that school is famous because of violence, bad seniority and the popularity of the students in it. objection! that's not true. well, people also think that :

1. I go to that school for looking for popularity

excuse me? popularity? that's so not me. I don't wanna be the popular Amira. for God sake, I've never wanted to. no offense, is there anything you get from being popular? if you think I wanna be popular, for the record I'm sooooooooo quite at school, I only say a word when it needed, unlike jhs right? at jhs, I could laugh, dance, even rofl without any shyness. ever since elementary school, people think that I'm a sociable person and got so many friends. I wanna be called as a sociable person, not "looking for popularity". I miss it, I admit it.

2. That school is just full of "garbages", bad seniority and violence stuff

DUDE? YOU THINK YOUR SCHOOL IS THE BEST SCHOOL EVER CREATED? NO, PLEASE. you think that your lovely school never do that tubir stuff and there's no bad seniority even just a bit? not, right? just admit that I'm so damn right about it.

okey, opinion that matters. yeah if you're the outsider you have the right to think that way. I did think the same thing when I was in jhs though. but, what people think are so outrageous and exaggerate.

I was freaking out to dead the 1st time I stepped my shoes on my shs. people judge it waaaaay too serious. the fact it's not that scary or violent. you just have to be "invisible" when you're a first grader. that's all.

you're not even a student there. you consider yourself as an outsider. so just shut up. I've had enough of everyone's judgement. they say this, that, without knowing the exact situation. even the first graders who suffer everyday never complain. and why the outsiders have to publish this and that with the fact they've never gone through that themself? think about it, people.

and don't ever say that the headmaster and the teachers do nothing about it. if you and your curiosity wanna know, the teachers guard every corner of the school. they guard the canteen, toilet, stairs, corridors, fields, even the place where the 1st graders gather round EVERYTIME. they also suggest us not to pick extracurricular that has a high level of bad seniority so the seniors have no chance to touch us.

not that I want to protect my school, I'm just tired. I'm sick of all this. I've had enough. you think I'm happy to be there? big NO. I cry myself to sleep many times. I always think "why did I even take the damned test when I've never expected to be there?" and then I regret. I feel like I'm an idiot and this brain is so asdfghjkl.

if I could I would turn back the time. I regret my decision just a second after I decided it. sometimes I wish I cheated the national exam. somehow I wish to be the smartass Amira.

I miss my friends every single day. I miss Nadya, Dhifa, Dina, Fiona, etc every day:'

I lost my "fun" side somewhere on the road. I wish I had it back but there's no turning back.

how it feels like to be surrounded by people who don't know what you've been through?

how it feels like to sit in a classroom feeling like a stranger but the fact is you are legally, a student in it?

how it feels like to be there alive when everyone think you're not even alive?

how it feels like to be in a place for a long time without having the person you can hug, count on, rely to, share with, talk with, at least understand you 24/7?

I've always wanted to be in 47 sooooo bad since I was in the 7th grade. people persuaded me to go to 90 and 34 but it had no effect on me. you can say that my brain has been set up to do what it takes to go to 47. I used to set a picture with the word "47 2014" on my phone wallpaper just to motivate me everyday. if you don't believe, I have witnesses though. but because of my lack of hardwork and that fckng damned illegal thing, I couldn't be there.

then I signed up for 28 shs but it turned that there were 1000 geeks did the same thing so I forced my self signing up for 70 eventhough people don't wanna see me there but I just had to do it. from that my life has started screwing up. FU.

somehow I wish I could move to another. somehow I wish I was in 90 or 47. if I was, I'd be having a big smile on my face now. but I'm not. seeing some of my friends going to move, it envies me. but you think moving will solve the problem? yes I know it will, but it's not that easy. I want to, but I want to struggle the 1st semester (which is the worst) first, and I'll decide what's next later.

yeah sorry for using some bad words. those are just some craps about how I feel. you have the right to judge, but in the other hand I have the right to speak my heart up. I'm not a doll. I'm a free bird, baby. please understand even just a bit, I'll appreciate. thank you:)

Den 16. 9. 2011

hey there fellas!

it's been a while since my last post. on september 7 I just got back from Surabaya. my plane took off at around 17.45 and landed in Jakarta at 19.00. I miss you Surabaya though and....I've planned to move back there asap because I wanna get that "snmptn undangan" stuff to Faculty of Medicine of Airlangga University hehe amen to that;) I'm not even interested to go to UI or whatever so I think it's useless to go to 70-_-

btw, today is Nicholas Jerry Jonas' 19 birthday. happy birthday to him:D

BUT. today is also a day of a great loss. Mr. Sumadi my jhs bahasa teacher passed away this morning. I was totally shocked and instantly crying:''''''' then I immediately went to my jhs. I stayed there for about 30 minutes, just talking with Mr. Benny and Andin.

hmmmm still can't believe he's gone:' the last time I saw him was in July or August maybe yeah unbelieveable:'''

he never teaches me anyway but I know him well. he's so kind, we can say he's the most kind - hearted and the friendliest teacher in my jhs:' he's also a religious person. and the fact that he dies today (Friday, the holiest day for moslems all over the world) may bring luck for him.

RIP Mr. Sumadi. you don't have to ask for heavens. because up there, they're waiting for you to come:'''')

Friday!

Hi there fellas! Just another day with ordinary routines.....sleeping, eating,going to school, playing and DIE. yes DIE. You know what? Things have gone wild lately. I cried several times this week. I just can't handle them by myself. But, I want to.

I know I have Nadya, Dhifa, Lela, and those beloved sisters(Fiona, Andini and Sebian) who will have my back and will not let me fall, amazing girls all of them, but...honestly, sorry guys, I think I'm gonna bare those things myself. You guys are awesome, best I've got so far. But, I don't wanna bother you guys with thoughts anymore. I'm trying to stand by myself now.

Oh ya, finally I've had my one-on-one time with my sister, Andini this morning. Talking to her made me forget all of those crazy fucking things and also she made me feel that I'm her big sister eventhough not biologically. She told me stories of her, so do I. The point is we shared stories. Words can't describe the whole thing.

Ok. I'm so fucking tired. My head will blow up any minute. Bye!